Guest Blog: Joe and the Fig Rolls Tour the British Isles

Scottish Rain and Fig Rolls

12 August 2017

At 50p for a pack, Tesco's fig rolls had become a substantial part of Joe's luggage. Having run out before my trip to England in March, he'd asked me to bring some back for him. I did, and having tasted them, asked him to bring me some back after his summer visit to Scotland and Ireland.

Joe sent me the first picture at the beginning of his trip. "Scottish rain and fig rolls," he wrote.  "One is disappearing faster than the other, but both are renewable resources."

The next day he sent another email titled "Looking to swipe your Tesco fig rolls."

 "A very interested individual"

The next day, "4 out of 5 Scottish Reindeer Prefer Tesco Fig Rolls."

 "...according to a not-very-scientific study at Cairngorm National Park."

One day later, it was clear that a blog post was warranted: "In Bold Move, Tesco Fig Rolls Conquer Loch Lomond." Flat Stanley, move over. There's a new fig in town.

"Heroic Tesco Fig Rolls Defend Edinburgh from Jacobite Assault"

"Always need a well-fed army to blast away at religious zealots."

From the Sugarloaf in County Wicklow, "Tesco Fig Rolls Monitor Sea Level Rise in the Irish Sea:"

In Uncle George's garden, "Archaeologists Study Newly-Discovered Monument to Tesco Fig Rolls in Irish Countryside:"

At 50p per pack in England and Scotland, fig rolls are a bargain. In Ireland, the price jumped to 75p.

"Irish Sheep Stage Protest of Tesco Fig Roll Price Jump:"

"Police need to be called to calm rowdy ovines."

"Go Big and Go Home:"

The fig roll army amasses. 

"Tesco Fig Rolls Prepare for Global Conquest:"

"Our series reaches its finale...or is it just the beginning of a new world order?"

Today Joe handed four packs over to me. "You know how heavy these things are?"

"How many did you bring back?"

"About a dozen."

I'll ration them out slowly; I'm not sure when Jack and I will be back in England.