Cycling Sideways

"I think I have a pair of cleat covers somewhere for the walk up the hill."

1 September 2012

Well, this is certainly an interesting bunch we have here today in Milford, Tad.

It certainly is, Phil.  First, we have Tom.  Now, he's a very strong rider and he's got the gearing for Fiddler's Elbow.  He has a triple in the front and mountain bike gears in the back.  He can get to 28/32 if he wants to.  He's been training hard in the hills all season.  And we have Laura here as well, copying Tom's bike setup component for component.  Now, Laura doesn't have Tom's strength, but she does have the endurance.  If she can keep her heart rate and her front wheel down on the steepest section of the hill, she might just make it. 

Yes, Tad, that seems to be a problem for both of them.  And who is that gentleman in the Jittery Joe's jersey?

That's Blake.  He weighs about ten pounds soaking wet, doesn't even have a triple, and hasn't seemed to need one yet this season.  But I have to say, Phil, that he's bringing a knife to a gunfight today.

How is that, Tad?

I think he's got 23 teeth in the back there, Phil.  26 maybe.

Well, this should certainly be interesting, Tad.  Who is that man who just pulled in?

Phil, that's JeffX, a late entry into today's event.  He's got a brand-new bike with him, with a triple and a very aggressive geometry.  JeffX was the nation's fastest 15-year-old back in the day, Tad.  He went on to train for the 1980 Olympics, which the US boycotted, went to college and law school, and came out of retirement to win Somerville while he waited for his bar exam results.  He doesn't race anymore, but you'll still see him with the A riders.  

Phil, why do you suppose he's with the Hill Slugs today?

To take it easy, Tad.  And to see what all the hype over Fiddler's Elbow is about.

Let's go down to the Bike Mic, Phil, and listen in on today's riders.


"I am so nervous."

"It's not gonna be that bad.  It won't be much worse than the worst part of Bailey's Hollow.  Just three times longer."

"I have coffee in my water bottle."

They're starting off easy, Tad.  Tom is taking them along the Delaware River.  Apparently, the cue sheet we have here in the studio has been modified.  Laura thought they should cut out some of the hills leading up to the big one.  Tom is going to ride along the side of the ridge rather than go down to the Pohatcong and back up towards Merrill Creek.  That should cut out a few hundred feet of climbing right before Fiddler's Elbow.

Phil, this is one of the legendary hills of New Jersey.  Not a lot of FreeWheelers get up this far. What gets reported back isn't much.  Laura tells me that she first heard of it from Rich A more than a decade ago.  Rich had to stop and walk when the rider in front of him ran out of momentum and fell.

Ouch, Tad.  We have reports that a few of the stronger hilly B riders don't have a problem with this hill.  But the riders who have walked are legion.  We've been told that those who stop on the steepest section have no chance of getting back on their bikes.  It's just too steep there, Tad.

Phil, let's describe this hill for our viewers.

Now, there's an elevation gain of about 600 feet in less than a mile.  Most of that is concentrated in two sections.  The riders will see the road bend to the right first.  There won't be much of a rest before it turns to the left, and that's where the trouble is.  There's a 20 percent grade for about a quarter mile.

Tad, I'm sorry to interrupt, but Tom appears to have found yet another closed road.

So he has, Phil.  He seems to have a talent for that.  Looks like they're ignoring the sign.

They always do, Tad.

Laura is stopping for another picture, Phil.  Let's go down to the Bike Mic.  She's catching up to the group.

"It looks like Route 1 in Edison."

They're stopping in Stewartsville.  They're only 17 miles in.  Tom has told me that there really isn't anyplace else.  JeffX isn't eating anything.  Laura has just drunk half the coffee in her second water bottle.  I think she's getting ready for the climb.  Does she seem a little nervous to you, Phil?

Yes, Tad, she certainly does.  She has a tendency to do that when she's facing unknown territory.  She was like that for her first climb up Poor Farm.  For her first Tour de Cure she studied topo maps of all the hills.  She tells me it's about control, Tad.  She needs to control as much of the unknown as possible.

Phil, do you think she's psyching herself out here?  Tom certainly doesn't appear nervous.  JeffX looks like he's having a day at the beach. 

Well, Tad, she told me that she's so used to herself doing this that she ignores herself.  Is that even possible?

They're getting close to the ridge now, Phil.  They're stopping for pictures.  This is the only view they're going to get.  They're looking into Pennsylvania now.  That's the Pohatcong valley in front there, and those hills behind it are in Pennsylvania, north of Easton.

They're turning onto Ridge Road.  Let's go down to the Bike Mic.  Laura and Blake seem to be having a conversation.

"I am so nervous right now."

"Aww, Laura."

They're talking about the psychology of competition, Phil.  Blake is telling her about a fencing competition where the reigning champion just fell apart.  It seems she -- Laura is cutting him off.

"Whoa.  FUCK."

"Oh, wow."

"Is that it, Tom?"

"I think so."

 

Laura told me that she's avoiding her usual mental soundtrack today, Phil. She says she's only listening to downtempo music in her head this morning.

That's right, Tad.  She's doing her best to keep herself calm.  Now, this should help.  They're stopping at Roxburg Hill Road.  This is the one that Tom cut out.

What's JeffX doing there, Phil?  He seems to be heading down the road and turning around.

He certainly is, Tad.  He's posing for Tom and Laura so they can tell everyone about the hill they avoided.  It's rare to find one that looks steep in two dimensions.  I think they found one here today, Tad.

Okay!  Here it is!  Phil, why are Laura and Tom stopping?

To get pictures, Tad.  JeffX and Blake have already started up.  Tom is on his way too.  Laura always takes a long time with her camera.  She tells me that it's slow to start up.  She's got it held together with a rubber band, Tad.

Laura is certainly taking her time on this road, Phil.  She's in her lowest gears.  Let's watch as she approaches the first of the steep ascents.  Can you see her computer?

I can't, but I'd be very surprised if she's doing more than 5 mph.  She's gone anaerobic, but she's not breathing very heavily at all now, Tad.

Phil, Tom seems to have stopped.  He has his camera out.  Laura's coming up on him.  Let's go to the Bike Mic.

"I'm catching my breath before the next part."

"I'm just going slow and steady."

"Go for it!"

Phil, Laura is approaching the steepest section.  She keeps looking down at her computer.  What do you suppose she's doing?

I think she's taking note of the distance, Tad.  She told me earlier today that she'd much rather ride these two miles than write a dissertation or give birth to a baby. 

She's looking ahead.  Blake is walking.  I think she sees him.  She must be figuring that into her strategy.

She's starting to tack, Phil, to ride up the hill at an angle.  She's not taking it all the way across, though, just slight angles to the left and right.  It seems to be doing her well so far.  Let's look at her speed.  3.6 mph.  She can't go much slower than that.  She doesn't seem to be having trouble breathing.  She doesn't look tired. 

No, Tad, but do you see that?  Look at her front wheel.  It's leaving the ground.

Uh-oh, Phil.  I think we're witnessing some trouble here.  Her serpentine is getting pretty wide.  Oh!  Did you see that?  She's really got to keep that wheel down, Phil.

Tad, she seems to have lost control.  She's veering to the left now and her wheel is facing down the hill.  She's going straight across the road now, Tad.  I don't think she can recover her momentum.

No, Phil, I think she's either going to have to stop or fall.  She's stopping.

That's too bad, Tad.

Phil, she's taking out her camera.  I think she wants to document exactly where she had to stop.  I think she'll have trouble making this road look as steep as it is.

Is that Tom down there, Tad?  He seems to be resting.  He must see that Laura is off the bike.  Oh, wait, he's on again, coming up. 

Laura has her right foot clipped in again.  Phil, I think she's going to try to get back on the bike.  It's not going very well.  She seems to be tacking up the hill with one foot in the pedal and one on the ground.  It looks to me like she refuses to give up.  Here comes Tom.  He's almost caught up to Laura and -- oh, he's off again.  He's walking.

"There's gotta be a way to do this."

"This is even hard to walk up!"

"There's gotta be a way to do this."

What is she doing, Tad?  Tom is past her now.  She's got the road to herself here.  Oh, wait, she's on and -- oh no!  She and the bike are on the ground.  

She just couldn't keep that wheel on the blacktop, Phil.

Tad, I think she's laughing.  And she's up again, back in one pedal.  Oh, wait, no, she'd off and putting her cleat covers on.  She's going to walk it after all.  What a shame.

Phil, the incline seems to be a bit less up ahead.  Do you think she'll try again?  Everyone's at the top looking at her.  They're close enough to hear each other.  She's taking the covers off.  Let's go to the Bike Mic.

"C'mon, Laura!"

"You can do it!"

"C'mon!"

"There's got to be a way to do this!"

Tad, she's on again, but the saddle's got a hold of her shorts.  She's not going to last up there.  Ooooo, there she goes, on the ground again.

Phil, is she laughing again?

She certainly is, Tad.

"The saddle got my shorts!"

"C'mon!"

"I'm gonna try again!"

Phil, I think she's got it this time.  Yes, she's on and she's going to make those last few yards on her bike!

Our final count is three walkers and only one rider, JeffX, on Fiddler's Elbow.  Let's let them rest for a few minutes while we go to commercial.

And we're back.  Laura had another fall.  At the end of the road, her chain slid off the rear cog into the wheel.  I think one of those two tumbles back there knocked her shifter, Phil.  JeffX helped her get the chain back on, but she twisted her back a little on the way down.  She seems fine, but there is a little blood trickling down her left leg.  She's got her bandana out and she's been wiping it while she's riding. 

They're on Bloomsbury Road, on top of the ridge now, Tad.  This is an easy stretch.  Laura is taking her time.  I think she's worried that she might have exacerbated her injury on that last fall.  She's stopping for pictures, but she's not stretching.  She seems to be okay, Tad.

 

They're in Bloomsbury now.  Phil, what is Laura doing over at that trellis?

She's hanging from it, Tad.  Stretching her back.  Now she's talking to Blake.

"It's not spinal.  I think I just pulled a muscle a little."

"That's good."

"Yeah.  Much easier."

They're taking their time at this rest stop.  Laura has gone over to the grass and she's lying on her stomach, propped up on her elbows.

Yes, Phil, that's part of her PT routine.  It moves the disc fluid away from the sciatic nerve.  

She appears to be calling someone, Tad.  Can you see who it is?

She's calling Chris, Phil.  Last night he wanted to know where the ride was going today.  When she told him, he said, "Uh-oh, we've created a monster."  I think she wants to report in.  Let's listen.

"Hey!  It's your favorite monster!...The answer is no, but not for lack of trying.  I couldn't keep my wheel on the ground.  I fell twice.  You'd have loved it.  You'd have been laughing...I couldn't get started again...I know you could.  You're strong...Yeah, I know...OK.  'Bye."

Tom is taking the easy way over the Bloomsbury ridge, Tad.  He's going to lead them up Tunnel Road.

That one goes on for 2 miles and almost 400 feet.  It never gets steep, but it never levels out either.  Laura seems to be holding back, Phil.

Her mouth has been closed the whole way up, Tad.  She seems to be determined to stay aerobic.  Strange choice, don't you think, Tad?  This is the last hill.

Not necessarily, Phil.  If she's concerned about a muscle pull, she'll want to avoid any unnecessary strain.  You've seen her on her commute to work, mashing with a full load in her big ring.  She can do that if she needs to, Phil, but I think here she wants to err on the side of caution. 

"Sorry guys.  I was keeping it aerobic."

"Naah.  You were only about 30 seconds behind us."

"What is that thing in the tree?  A nest?  No, it's not a nest."

"A tumor?"

"That's weird."

"Hey, is that Sweet Hollow over there?"

"Yep.  All downhill."

 "I think I've figured out what I need to do in order to keep my weight forward."

"What?"

"A boob job."

That's JeffX she's talking to.

"Naaah.  They'll just get caught in the spokes."

And they're finished!  54 miles, almost 4500 feet of elevation gain by my count, Phil.  What's going on down there?  Tom seems to be putting JeffX's bike into his truck.

Well, Tad, JeffX seems to have locked his keys in his car and wasn't able to connect with his brother when he called him from the top of Fiddler's Elbow.  Tom is going to drive him home after he drops Laura off at her place.

Speaking of Laura, Phil, what is she doing under that tree?

Stretching, Tad.

*****

Top circle:  Where Tom was when I fell the first time

Middle circle:  Where I was when I fell the first time

Bottom circle:  Where I finally managed to get back on my bike

The full route is here.