Lying Bastard Multiple Choice Test

This is:

A:  How Tom's Insane Bike Posse marks its territory

B: A road crew gone rogue

C: How wealthy people in Bucks County react to potholes

D:  We have no idea

(answer:  D)

24 August 2014

The bridge across the Delaware River in Frenchtown is:

A:  The only flat part of Tom's Lying Bastard Ride

B:  Now charging a $1 toll

C:  So tired of being photographed

(answer:  C)

Tom's secret Bastard Loop was a surprise because:

A: It isn't on the route map
B: Instead of a steep hill, the Insane Bike Posse encountered a street fair with a jazz band, jugglers, stilt walkers, and free food (yet, strangely enough, took no photographs)
C: The Posse kept its collective front wheels on the ground


(answer: C)



On the Bastard Loop

A: OLPH couldn't shift into her granny gear until halfway up the hill
B: Tom couldn't shift into his granny gear until halfway up the hill
C: Marc made it up without needing a damned granny gear, you wusses
D: B and C

(answer:  You thought it was A, didn't you?  Well, it was D, so there!)


The Lake Nockamixon Dam is dry because:

A: OLPH was so thirsty she drank the overflow
B: Whitewater is released only twice per year
C: The dam didn't pay its taxes
D: We have no idea

(answer:  D)

True or false:

These are redwoods.

(answer: Sure, why not?  Who's gonna go check?)

The mysterious religious compound on Clymer Road is for

A: Worshipers of white columns
B: Abhorers of windows
C: Rosicrucians

(answer:  Rosicrucians! They're real!)

You know that pyramid with the eye on it on our dollar bills?

(answer: yes)

This car is:

A:  For Winter Larry to tell us the make and model
B:  What every avid cyclist's car should look like
C:  A very large lawn ornament
D:  All of the above

(answer: D)

This is:

A:  A rust-plated, award-winning, caged clove of garlic
B:  A farm implement
C:  Umm...

(answer: C)

These views are:

A:  Stolen from old versions of Microsoft Windows desktops
B:  The reward after 40 miles of hills
C:  Better in person
D:  Fake
E:  B and C

(answer:  E)

The number of road closure signs the Posse encountered was:

A:  1

B:  2

C:  3

D:  4

(answer: 4)

The number of detours and muddy stream crossings was:

A:  0
B:  1
C:  2
D:  3

(answer: A; so much for our reputation)

On the final steep hill, the Posse:

A:  Called Tom a bastard, as Tom predicted
B:  Gave Tom a big, sloppy kiss
C:  Was too out of breath to call Tom anything

(answer: A)


At the end of the ride, Tom said:

A:  He'd do this route again someday
B:  He'd do this route again on Friday
C:  He wasn't sure he'd do this route again


(answer: C)